Part of healing was returning my focus back on Christ.  When I felt like I was watching my life through a t.v screen the only thing that still made sense was God.  I knew He loved me and was always by me through it all.  I used scripture to bring myself back out of that dark place.  A little over a year ago God allowed me to have a car accident my little sister was in the car.  I got whip lash and thank God she was ok a little shock up.  I can honestly say I believe God allowed it to happen and He might have even orchestrated it.  My little sister and I have always had this tension between us.  I think that the age gap played a big part in it and somewhere along the way it became a constant fight.  It was so bad that my Mom started to send Dee to visit people when I came home because we couldn't stand to be around each other.  I was so sick of it that I prayed that God would intervene because I was done and I knew that this couldn't continue.  I believe the accident was an act of God because I could have been killed and Dee as well.  God gave me clarity at the last second to wrench the wheel and the outcome was very different.  The first thing Dee said as we were walking away from the car to get help was something along the lines of maybe this is Gods way of making us talk?  She was right and it shocked me that she said those words because I was thinking them as well.  We have had small arguments since but now we are closer then I had ever hoped we could be.  After that point I knew that I was wasting my life living it for myself.  I was chasing after material things; I wanted a house and nice things.  I quickly got snapped out of this fantasy land.  I was off work for three weeks and then it took awhile after that to get back to full time.  When I returned to work I put in my notice at work and my apartment.  I was going to serve God I didn't know how all I knew was He was calling me.